Turbo Review: Final Fantasy XIII vs. Alex
crafted by: Alex
Add Fang to my list of favorite JRPG characters
Final Fantasy XIII changes paradigm to Relentless Assault!
- Characters are diverse and conflicts between the group members are interesting
- Story is straight forward and enjoyable... for the first half of the game.
- Graphics, both in game and cinematic, are incredible.
- New battle/character development system is engaging, tactical, and makes you feel like every decision is important.
Alex casts Ruinga!
- Story becomes convoluted during the second half of the game.
- Lack of clear motivation / enemy during second half of the game.
- Vague weapons system will leave you clueless without using a guide.
- A few cheap, unavoidable battles, where enemy may 1-hit kill you.
- Side quests are more boring and uninspired than quests in MMOs.
Battle Summary:
I'm going to assume you have all read other reviews or played FFXIII, and also I assume that many of you are wondering why "linear" didn't show up under my negative list above. That is because i don't think the game being linear is bad, but rather differet. In fact in terms of story and characters, I thought Final Fantasy XIII shone brightest during the first 25-30 hours, and I felt the game nose dived at the point most reviews say the game becomes enjoyable. While the battle system becomes more enjoyable when you reach the "open world" section, the rest of the game suffers greatly. I felt like I wasn't making progress in the "open world" and the side quests were so terribly boring (hint hint: all quests require you to kill a specific enemy.)
That being said, I really enjoyed Final Fantasy XIII, more so than FFX and FFXII, and it got me back into JRPGs for the first time since the beginning of this generation. The game is long, it took me 42 hours to beat, and that is with only a few hours of side quests. For those of you who don't play many games, this may be great news, but personally I felt so incredibly relieved (and satisfied) when Final Fantasy XIII was finally over. This game is very different than from other Final Fantasy games, and you may find yourself disappointed at first, but give it a chance and you may find a lot to like.
Turbo Value: $50/$60
(msrp $60) score explanation...
A New Review System Approaches!
crafted by: PaulIf there is one area in the realm of writing about video games that is always under debate is the manner in which games are reviewed. It used to be that a magazine could just slap a score (or 3 or 4, thanks EGM) on a game and call it quits, but in the internet age the notion of a number-less review has gained much more credibility.
Probably better than Alex can draw.
We've been doing reviews in the titular theme of our site, staging "boss battles" between games and writers. While that approach was fun, it was often hard to sum up a game's review in one fantastical sentence, so we've decided to shake it up a little.
In an age of GameStops and Amazons and Cheap Ass Gamers, a game's price is easily determined and highly fluctuating, meaning that a game's price (new or used!) is just as important to a purchase as a good review. Taking this idea, we will be rating new games on the scale of it's MSRP. For example, if Halo Reach is a great game, truly worthy of your spending $60 on, we'll give it a $60/$60. If it blows, on the other hand, we'll rate it appropriate to what price we'd pay to pick it up (so, say, $25/$60). If it's not worth buying or playing ever, it gets a Final Fantasy X/$60. Just kidding! A TURKEY/$60. Keep in mind that we are telling you what we think the game is worth, so this may mean in rare cases that we think a game is actually worth more than the MSRP. In situations like that, likely a downloadable or budget game, you may see a score of $15/$10. Don't forget, these are OUR opinions, but at the same time, we have YOUR money in mind.
We're using this scale to bring some quantitative measurement to our reviews, but also because we think it is a useful scale for real gamers, like us, who don't have a ton of money to spend on games. We're also brewing some more review tools for use down the line that take our system a few steps farther.
So look for our inaugural review using this system soon. It's Final Fantasy XIII!
Image: MaccaMacca91 - DeviantArt
Boss Battle: God of War III vs Alex
crafted by: Alex
This picture sums up GoW3 well.
God of War III uses Chains of High Quality to attack!
- Improved controls and combat.
- Incredible graphics, arguably the best graphics on a console.
- Incredible sense of scale including one of the best boss battles of all time.
- Upgrade system simplified and improved.
- New "Items" like a Bow that allow more diversity in combat.
- Bonus features and challenges all on one disc.
Alex counters with his Glaive of Sequels!
- Feels short compared to God of War II.
- Does not feel at fresh or as impressive as the original two games.
- Kratos has not been an interesting character since the original game.
- You go to hell for the third time. Really? I'm getting sick of this.
Battle Summary:
The original God of War was an incredible game. It was cinematic, brutal, simple, elegant, and the story was actually worth writing home about. While all of those qualities other than the story still stand, the game hasn't changed much since the original, for small refinements and a HUGE increase in scale. Each God of War game seems to dwarf the size of bosses from other games. I have to admit that I had trouble getting through the first real level of god of war, which is Hades Domain, because it just looks and feels so generic, and we've seen the hell card played in the other two games. But after that the game really picks up. I liked the game enough to beat it in a few days and admittedly I was left wishing for more, but I feel as if I have forgotten the game already. What's odd is that I KNOW I had more fun with the game than how I feel about it now, but I can't shake the feeling that I was ultimately disappointed in the game. Definitely play this game, but wait until it is cheaper.
Battle Results: Gaia has a heart attack, falls on Alex and God of War III, and kills them both.
Boss Battle: Bad Company 2 vs. Alex
crafted by: AlexBad Company 2 Call in mortar strike!
- Single player campaign is the best in Battlefield series
- Focused multiplayer experience that is balanced and well thought out.
- EXPLOSIONS! And building that collapse killing all those inside.
- Multiplayer promotes team play with squads and experience for non combat actions.
- Vehicles... they are awesome.
- Expertly designed maps which are emphasized in the exhilarating Rush mode.
- Leveling system with a fair amount of equipment and specializations to unlock.
Alex finds shelter in a building and returns fire!
- Single player game doesn't stand up to others in the genre. Not enough vehicle sequences.
- Checkpoints are spaced too far apart
- Gun play doesn't feel as precise as some other FPS series
- Limited 12 vs 12 Conquest matches on consoles feel too small
- Not enough maps at release (more coming for free)
Battle Summary:
Well done Bad Company 2, you got me to play and really enjoy an online FPS game. Online games rarely catch my attention, largely because I don't enjoy playing with strangers, because I usually have bad experiences with them. Also I find it boring to play online team based games where there is little team effort. Bad Company 2 enables teamplay with little to no voice communication. I rarely hear people talking in BC2, and I haven't bothered to put on my headset because of it. Yet rarely am I wondering what my teammates are doing, and more often them not I am working closely with them. Experience is handed out for almost any action that helps teammates, so everyone is willing to work together. I have written quite a bit about Bad Company 2 already, so read my other articles to see why I like it so much.
The single player campaign is fun yet frustrating at the same time. The real fun is in the multiplayer, and this is coming from someone who condemns most online focused FPS games.
Battle Results: The house collapses, killing Alex!
Boss Battle: Bioshock 2 vs Paul
crafted by: Paul
Bioshock 2 attacks: Shoots fire at Paul! Paul's on fire!
- Vastly improved game play - dual-equipping guns and plasmids speeds up action
- Most levels are more interesting and varied than in Bioshock 1
- Smoother difficulty curve doesn't leave you pissed off at the end like Bioshock 1
- Some genuine spooks, shocks, and disturbing set-pieces
- No crappy final boss battle
- Better hacking mini-game
- A pleasure to revisit the world and mythology of Rapture
Paul attacks: Drains some life
- ...Doesn't add anything that crazy to the Bioshock and Rapture experience
- Not many new or impressive plasmids
- Been-there, done-that weapons and ammo
- One or two boring levels (design-wise)
- Protecting Little Sisters as they harvest Adam gets tedious
- Fighting Big Sisters not as fun as fighting Big Daddies, doesn't require and different technique
- No "Welcome to the Circus of Values" clown voice
Boss Battle: The Secret Armory of General Knoxx vs. Alex
crafted by: Alex
The Secret Armory of General Knoxx attacks: Critical!
- Raised Level cap to 61!
- More gun, more enemy types, 43-ish more missions, 3-ish more vehicles!
- End game "Raid" boss that drops mad lootz!
- New item rarity level!
- Raised Difficulty!
- "Moxxi likes it skag style!"
Alex attacks with fire ammo: Knoxx is immune!
- Back to the desert??
- No teleporters, driving back and forth between quests is boring.
- No amount of Borderlands content will ever be enough.
Battle Summary:
I don't need to say much. This is the DLC fans have been waiting for. More of everything except new skills and characters. I assume we won't see new skills until Borderlands 2, and I can't wait. This DLC continues with the wacky characters just like the other DLC, and Knoxx is a great addition. His sarcasm is something I can really relate to. I was not excited to see more desert, I really like the Halloween theme of Dr. Zed (or is it Ned?), and the minor circus overtones found in Mad Moxxi. Though I guess by reusing desert they can add more of the other content. Regardless, this is the definitive Borderlands DLC. I haven't even reached level 61 yet or tried to kill the impossible boss. Maybe tonight.
Battle Results: The Secret Armory of General Knoxx beats Alex and gets a pearlescent sniper.
Boss Battle: Heavy Rain vs. Alex
crafted by: Alex
Heavy Rain attacks: Stunning blow!
- A game unlike any other.
- Makes you feel emotions you rarely(if ever) experience from any media: Guilt, remorse, anxiety.
- A well written story that branches more than you might expect.
- Quick time events are mapped in a logical way. This allows for logical decision making even under pressure.
- Surprisingly good replayability for a "interactive drama."
- Difficult to put down once the narrative picks up.
Alex is in shock: Unable to attack.
- French people, speaking English, with American accents. Pretend that this takes place in another dimension. Problem solved.
- One major unexplained plot hole, various small ones if you look hard enough.
- Ability to alter the story may fall short of some peoples expectations.
- Some awkward writing.
- I can't get the DLC to work or to download! WTF is going on??
Battle Summary:
Heavy Rain is not a game, it is an experience. You grow fond of the characters quickly, then before you know it you are constantly thrust into positions where you feel that your every action will affect the life of your character or those around you. At some point in the game you will stop, and you will consider the consequences of you actions, and what it means for the future. At other times, the act of careful consideration may lead to your demise because you did not act fast enough. The fact that the game is completely devoid of a game over screen mean that your actions persist throughout the whole game.
Surprisingly I haven't heard anyone comparing this to Mass Effect, so I will. Heavy Rain handles decision and branching story the way I wish Mass Effect did. Mass Effect Lets you control HOW events happen, Heavy Rain lets you control WHAT events happen, and this distinction is very important. I listened to GameSpot's Hotspot spoiler podcast about Heavy rain, and every few minutes one of the hosts would be saying "Wait, what happened?" because inevitably, their story played out differently. I actually felt like the game was far too linear before I listened to the podcast. This game was an experiment, and a successful one that I really enjoyed, but I am unsure if I want to see another game that adopts the format to a new story. Though, I definitely want to see more games that can pull at emotions as effectively as Heavy Rain.
Battle Results: Heavy Rain kills Alex.
Boss Battle: Bayonetta vs. Alex
crafted by: AlexBayonetta attacks: Stiletto Gun attack is effective!
- Smooth responsive controls, great animation, battles that make you feel responsible, rather than feeling cheated by the game..
- Turbo abstract style. This game surpasses any dream I have ever heard of in terms of sheer insanity.
- Weapons all feel very distinct, lots of attack combination, and a couple transformation keep the battles feeling fresh.
- Levels can be repeated for more money and improved score. Can continue playing after you beat the game.
- Lots of things to buy at the store: weapons, special attacks, accessories that grant bonuses, extra costumes.
- Lengthy adventure: 10-14 hours. Note: I probably only purchased 1/4 of the items in the store on my first play through, and even that was the cheap stuff
Alex attacks: moderate damage, Alex flees.
- The story and characters are not very interesting, nor does it make much sense.
- Abstract style feels repetitive during the second half of the game.
- Combat is so hectic it is sometimes difficult to see and properly use witch time.
- Items seem too expensive. I would have liked to see more of them, but have little interest in playing the game again.
- Crotch shots and glowing va-jay-jays
More after the continue button!
Boss Battle: Mass Effect 2 vs Paul
crafted by: Paul
Commander Shepard considers her fate
Mass Effect 2 attacks: Ultimate strike!
- Complete overhaul from RPG into action game while retaining - and even improving on - look and feel of Mass Effect universe
- Excellent story with plenty of complex, wonderful characters (who doesn't love Dr Mordin?)
- Extremely well thought out moral choices
- Fast-paced, exciting combat that is as rewarding as it is fun
- 40 hours not enough...
- Thank Nazara for replayability: I've already loaded my Renegade Shepard to play through in an entirely different way
Paul attacks: miss!
- Some of the eccentricities of ME1 lost in effort to appeal to mainstream (I liked away parties)
- Beware major spoilers in Collector's Edition art book
- Planet scanning is a time sucker
- I'd rather stand my Shepard in an elevator than watch a loading screen of an elevator going up or down IMHOLOL
- Low-res FMV cut-scenes (wish this was on Blu-Ray)
Battle Summary:
Mass Effect 2 was my most anticipated game of 2008, 2009 and 2010, and now, after finishing it, I can say that I am still impressed. This is a stunning game that feels like the culmination of everything that has been advanced in video games for the past twenty years. Nearly every element of ME2 is drenched in quality and refinement. I did everything there was to do in the game and at no point in those 40 hours was I tired of playing - I kept wanting more. There is so much to do and so many decisions that you make that I know I will be playing it again two or three more times to experience all the games different paths.
Boss Battle: Darksiders vs. Alex
crafted by: Alex
Paul: "Link and Ganon have been working out, huh?" Alex: "No, this is Darksiders"
Darksiders attacks: critical damage!
- Unique style. Mix of fantasy in a post apocalyptic world.
- Story has enough substance to keep you interested.
- Great pacing. A new item/skill/attack/enhancement is always 15-30 minutes away.
- Lots of variety, from flying on a winged horse creature, to blasting angels with large angel cannons. (Don't worry, there is a demon cannon too, both are equally awesome!)
- Better than expected voice acting. Interesting characters.
- Lengthy adventure: 10-16 hours
Alex attacks: a glancing blow.
- Nothing new to see here
- Poorly mapped controls
- Late game item swapping can become a chore
- Lacking the side quests found in Zelda games.
Battle Summary:
Darksiders is what your mom thinks of when she hears the words "video game." A big dude, with a big sword, killing demons (and angels.) Darksiders doesn't try to be anything that it's not, it wants to be a video game, and it succeeds wholeheartedly. Darksiders is probably my favorite Zelda game since Majora's Mask. You've probably heard the comparisons already, but it really can't be stressed enough, If Princess Zelda and Kratos had a baby, it would be War. If you like Zelda and God of War, you WILL like Darksiders.
Battle Results: Darksiders defeats Alex.
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