Looks like we have pictures of Pokemon Black/White's Legendary Pokemon. White get's RESHIRAM and Black will receive ZEKROM. I'm a little let down in the design. Just a bit! I think Reshiram looks a little wonky but is truly weird looking. I have to give them credit in creating a truly bizarre looking Pokemon. I love the big white wolf cock sprouting between its legs. Hilarious. Zekrom is completely badass but a little too boring looking. Here is what the Japanese site has to say...

"Reshiram, with a pure-white body, will be in Pocket Monsters Black, while Zekrom, with a lacquer-black body, will appear in Pocket Monsters White. Each of them are Legendary Pokemon that have a big connection to the history of the Isshu region and hold the important key to the story."

Let's hope the "story" is a completely new and engaging experience this time around!  Thanks pokebeach.com for the info!

Prof. Rowan: "Your puns are weak..."

Now we have full body shots of the Black/White starters. Like with EVERY release of starters, people have been bitching and cumming in their pantaloons across the web. Me? I’m on the fence here. The Kanto starters will always be my favorite. Squirtle, Charmander, and Bulbasaur are just too darn cool and their find forms are pretty badass. What I see a lot of on the nets is the constant complaint that these new starters are uninspiring. Huh? Hold on. As cool as the Kanto starters were, they were essentially a lizard, a toad, and a salamander. Uninspired? Let’s give the new starters a once over, shall we?

Tsutaaja (Grass-Type)

I like this look. I find the artwork very unique considering it is called the Ivy Snake Pokemon. I’m guessing the final form will be Poison/Grass-Type. I think Ken Sugimori did a really nice job with the design. This group of Pokemon really stand out from one another and I think it’s due to this guy right here. Pokabu looks like a pig-rabbit and Mijumaru looks like an otter. Tsutaaja looks like a weird cross between a snake, a bug and a gecko. Cool!

Pokabu (Fire-Type)

Awwww!!! Look how CUTE this guy is! So far, from what I’ve read online, Pokabu is the fan favorite in terms of cuteness. He is indeed extremely cute but I feel like Spoink pretty much covered the pig look. Grumpig turned out pretty excellent as well. It would be cool to see this guy go from uber cute to uber baddie when he’s fully evolved. Maybe a Dark/Fire-Type? I like this pig rabbit very much.

Mijumaru (Water-Type)

This guy will be my starter. No doubt I’ll have the other two on my team via trade, but this guy will be my team leader. I love the water types in these games and have used them since the beginning. I have fond memories of selecting Mudkip. I like this design a lot but like Pokabu, we had an otter Pokemon with Buizel and Floatzel. It would’ve been nice to see another animal used. I bet this little fuzzball ends up being a Water/Ice-Type Pokemon in the end. I’m basing this on the coloration. Who knows? I do know I like him and can’t wait to choose him.

In the end I have to say this is truly a unique group of starter Pokemon. I would’ve liked to have seen a better selection of animals, but I’m pleased with the designs. Below is a picture of our beloved Pokemon artist and designer.

Ken Sugimori

]]> http://www.turbobossbattle.com/2010/05/15/start-here-blackwhite-starters-overview/feed/ 0 http://www.turbobossbattle.com/2010/05/12/corocoro-scans/ http://www.turbobossbattle.com/2010/05/12/corocoro-scans/#comments Wed, 12 May 2010 23:57:49 +0000 Pokémon Trainer Kev http://www.turbobossbattle.com/?p=706

Prof. Rowan: "They look dumb!"

Alright! Looks like we’ve finally got those leaked CoroCoro scans! Woo! Below is a picture of the three new starters. They are Tsutaaja (Grass), Pokabu (Fire), and Mijumaru (Water).  They look… interesting. They roughly translate to an ivy snake, a fire pig, and a sea otter. The fire pig looks kinda’ stupid but I dig the otter and snake style the other two are sporting. Should evolve into some rad looking Pokemon. Here is some general info about what the articles detail. Click on the images for a high resolution!

The new region’s name is Isshu and is very far away from the other Pokemon regions. Derr!!! Hopefully SO far away that this game will basically hit the restart button and we can get a fresh take on the Pokemon franchise. There is a city shown in the article that has been dubbed Hiun City. This looks to be the city that appeared in the first ever screenshots release. See my previous post. Zoroark’s ability is called Illusion. It basically turns Zoroark into so much of a pussy that he needs to change into your Pokemon in battle. What a dick.

There are only two new attacks mentioned so far. They are Trickery, “which outputs damage depending on the opposing Pokemon’s stats”, and Claw Sharpen, which “raises your Attack and Accuracy.” There is a bit of information regarding the three shiny Legendary Beasts. If you trade over your 12rh movie shiny Entei, Suicune, or Raikou, you can battle and capture a Level 25 Zoroark. It will take the form of your Pokemon and battle your ass. At some point it will revert back to its normal form and you can try to catch him. Cool!!!  Thanks to Pokebeach for the info!

In my last post I went over some things I’d like to see changed in the Black/White. Now I’d like to go into more detail about the series as a whole and what I honestly think would make the series better.

Hiun City is a breath of fresh air in the series. For the first time, a “city” in Pokemon looks like a goddamn city. Usually they look like small towns or rest stops. This is the real deal. Hopefully this city (due to the ships pictured in the artwork) will act as a hub for players. It would be nice if you could take boat trips to far off islands and other regions, not necessarily Kanto, Hoenn, etc., but some larger places to explore.

The problem with Pokemon games is that you always feel like you’re on a journey, not really an adventure. Cities and places all start to look the same and the wilderness in between is pretty stale now. Hopefully this game will be really expansive. It’s hard to tell now, but I have a feeling this game will really push you to explore the far off wilderness to look for your Pokemon.

HMs need to go. Seriously. Why would ANYONE think teaching your Pokemon these moves would be a good idea? Strength, Fly, and Surf are pretty much the only good HMs. Maybe keep those but just give us some rock climbing gear or some jungle expedition gear to climb mountains and cut through brush. Or what about a fucking flashlight for going through caves?! Flash sucks!

What I really dig is that the protagonists are older now. I already feel like a huge weirdo playing this game centered on a little girl and boy who collect creatures with their balls… Hopefully this will open up some mature scenarios in the sense that a little more may be at stake this time around. I’m not talking about murder, this is Pokemon, but I’d like to see some really ruthless bad guys this time around.

A more expansive game is what it really comes down too. I know the information on these game carts is limited but I’d take a more expansive experience over 100 new Pokemon any day. It’s time to revive this franchise!

Prof. Rowan: "There's no excuse for this. You were just being fucking lazy."

Wowee!!! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? These past few months have been a roller coaster ride for me. But who cares about that, jazz? It’s Pokémon time!

So, what’s new? A few months ago, CoroCoro released the first ever screenshots of Pokémon Black/White. Like most prerelease pictures, these are probably beta shots. I hope they are at least. The new “3D” aspect of going through cities looks a little bland. Hopefully with the release, the city in this pic will have more life. The new battle mode could be cool if they smooth out the sprites significantly. Again, most likely beta shots. I’m guessing HP gauges and stuff will move to the bottom screen this time around so you can see all of your Pokémon in battle. Cool town! I also love that  Pokémarts will be in Pokémon Centers now. Never understood the point of having two separate shops. There's a lot of talk about cars being used in this game lately. Dunno. Sound ridiculous to me. You’re supposed to be a kid in this game.

But the Pokémon precum doesn’t end there! Pokémon Sunday released the silhouettes of your Pokémon Black/White starters. From the looks of it, I love how weird these starters could be. Usually you get a hint of some sort of animal or reptile with starters. But this trio looks really weird. I can make out a duck creature, a pig creature, and maybe a beaver type creature. You poons are gonna love my thread about choosing starters when this game finally comes out.

Forums and nerd sites have been listing what they want in a new Pokémon game so I’ll throw my hat in the ring and do the Celery Man for you guys.

KEV’S PKMN BLACK/WHITE WISH LIST

1. Let’s cut the crap with all these contests!

Seriously! Beauty contests? Pokémon Olympics? I guess these are fun distractions but why not make a spin off game where you can transfer your Pokémon to do this kind of stuff? We buy Pokémon games to train and battle. If anything, add MORE Battle Frontier competitions. I absolutely love Battle Frontier. It’s merciless and addicting. I think Pokémon could use more of that throughout the game instead of lame ass Pokémon dick sucking contests.

2. Let’s have some awesome villains this time!

To be fair, Team Galactic was pretty badass. Cyrus was a true asshole and his plan to wipe out time and space was pretty cool. Your journey to Distortion World was fun too. But all of that really took full form in Platinum. I watched a Pokémon movie with my younger brother a while back, before the release of HeartGold/SoulSilver and the plot centered around Lugia and the Legendary Birds destroying the planet. There was this insane Pokémon collector riding around in a huge flying battle fortress with laser cannons and stuff trying to capture them all. That’s what I want. I want some crazy ass Roger Moore villains this time around with super crazy Japanese flying submarines and floating strongholds. This is the LAST Pokémon game for the DS so ley’s go out with a bang.

3. Pokémon that don’t suck!

In your quest to catch `em all, you always run into the road block of catching awful looking Pokémon. Idiots like Cherim and Sunflora are Pokémon I’d rather stomp on than catch. I know they’re for the little girls who play these games, but shit, at least have a badass evolution for the rad dudes like me! Platinum only had a few awesome new Pokémon. Hopefully Black/White will step it up a bit.

4. More Dark-Type Pokémon!

I hate when people say something needs to be “darker” for it to be any good. It’s not necessarily true for everything! I don’t want these games to turn into something like The Dark Knight or some shit. It’s fucking Pokémon! But in all honesty, Pokémon could really use more Dark-Type Pokémon. Gotta love these badasses. I’ve been wanting to make a Dark-Type team for a while now, but I’m always hesitant because there aren’t a lot of good ones out there. Let’s see some more ferocious Pokémon like Sharpedo!

5. More rematches. More trainers. Less of a pain in the ass to find them!

I think HeartGold/SoulSilver’s biggest flaw is that it’s too much a pain in the ass to rematch trainers and gym leaders. Having to track down all of the fucking gym leaders at certain times and days of the week is absurd! And even after you find all the gym leaders again, you can ONLY rematch them at a certain day of the week! That’s insane! The phone app was a pain in my ass too. Constantly getting calls from idiot trainers you humiliated ages ago is annoying! If you want to rematch them, you have find them on the map again with an “!” on it. There’s gotta be a better way of doing this. I want to battle tougher opponents but shit… I’m a Pokémon Master now, I shouldn’t have to run around like a headless Pikachu to find these queefs.

6. Keep the Pokéwalker app compatible! PLEASE!

I have a love hate relationship with my Pokéwalker. It’s pretty much a cheap asshole but I’m so addicted to it, it’s outrageous. I really hope they keep this app as part of the Black/White game. Please! New courses, new Pokémon with weird moves, and more items to find! It helps during my commute to my soul crushing job in the morning!

7. Transferring made easy!

Let’s all be honest here! With each new Pokémon game, no one REALLY considers it a “new adventure” in the Pokémon universe. Fuck no! You’re a Pokémon champion traveling the globe to be the best! So let’s cut the shit with pressing the restart button and let us transfer our collection/teams into the new game with ease! I hate having to capture a billion weak Pokémon just so I can trade my team from Platinum over to SoulSilver. I guess it defeats the purpose of Pokémon, but I really don’t have the time to recapture all of these idiots again.

Platinum’s BIGGEST mistake, other than beauty contests, was its insane demand of having you complete the Sinnoh Pokédex before you got your National Pokédex. That pissed me off. Most of us aren’t concerned with completing our Pokédex, we just want to train our Pokémon for battle. My Aggron and Salamence from Pokémon Emerald have seen a lot of bullshit in their time. It’s insulting having to trade them over from Platinum into SoulSilver for some stupid Pidgey and Sentret.

I think if they created some sort of Pokéwalker device that could transfer PC Blocks over, that would be so much easier! Maybe have it locked until you beat your 8^th gym leader or something. I’ve been making a list of Pokémon I absolutely must take over to Black/White. I shouldn’t have too.

8. Less ridiculous Pokéballs!

I’m working on a Pokéball article as I type this so I won’t get into too much detail about this complaint, but in short… Either make Pokéballs that REALLY help or just don’t add any at all! Some of these things are just for show and it drives me insane. Here’s my advice, you only need Ultra Balls, Dusk Balls, Dive Balls, and Quick Balls. The rest you can hang as Christmas tree ornaments.

9. New moves!

New game? New moves? Hopefully we’ll see some unique moves this game. I love updating my teams with new moves. HeartGold/SoulSilver changed some of the moves up win evolution and breeding so I’m hoping we see some really wild move sets this game.

10. A Rival you want to battle.

Red/Blue and Gold/Silver had the best Rivals. They were such assholes to you and you really wanted to beat their asses when you ran into them. The Dutch Boy from Platinum was too much of a nice guy. Having him be your childhood friend and such a stand up kid made it hard for me to put his face into pavement. Emerald… don’t even get me started. The dick in HeartGold/SoulSilver was excellent. He was a real horn smoker and deserved getting stomped. Let’s have someone you can’t wait battle.

This is a Slaking BTW...

Prof. Rowan: "Quick! What smells like pizza farts at all times?! PAX East 2010!!!"

OK so PAX East was a total bust! What the fuck, guys? What could’ve been a showcase of imported gaming goods and exclusive merchandise, ended up being a very bad Museum of Science exhibit. That’s a New England joke for ya! Alex said it best. It was for the “gaming community” and that’s pretty much why it was so goddamn lame… and smelly.

I love Magic the Gathering. I’m a complete weirdo for still playing, and loving, Pokémon at my age. But nothing compares to the pure nerd blood flowing in my veins when it comes to slinging cardboard in a damp basement with fellow Planeswalkers. For the life of me I couldn’t find any exclusive pre release cards for the new Rise of the Eldrazi set coming out. I saw an awesome photo booth featuring an excellent looking Eldrazi statue, but no cards. The illustrations booth was neat but nothing stood out. Fail.

Something else that pissed me off, and there was a lot, was all the tables selling MTG boxes, decks, what have you! All SRP and the stations were manned by idiots who didn’t know what they were talking about. Come on… no sales? So what if all the Scourge decks were 5 for 24 bucks! Fail again. Give use some sweet PAX cards with alternate art or something!

Now here’s what really infuriated me. Nintendo’s booth was dick. All they had was Pokémon and Cooking Mama on display. I may be wrong about Cooking Mama. How could Nintendo do this? I love Pokémon, but that’s it?! No new DS games to check out and demo?! What about Ivy the Kiwi?! No Mario or Zelda toys for me to buy?! NO POKEMON MERCH FOR ME TO COLLECT!!!!!! Rage city. I ran into two young lads strapped to the hip with Pokémon dolls. I immediately started grilling them for information. Nothing! They CAME with their OWN Pokémon dolls! God… why must you do this to me? All I wanted was a few Pokémon figurines and MAYBE a stuffed Pikachu.

Maybe we sound like really grumpy cock stains but let me sum up the events of our day. I couldn’t sleep all night because I was too busy making lists of things I wanted to look out for and buy. I was also very excited. Third grade field trip excited. The next morning I felt like shit and looked even worse than shit. I was paler than ever and I had a set of nice raccoon eyes going on. Awful. Paul drove to my house and picked me up around 8:50 a.m. so we could get a 9:16 train. The looks on our faces were priceless. Two childhood friends who spent most of their lives playing N64, Genesis, SNES, and Playstion games at sleepovers. Two young bucks who are such close friends that they didn’t mind watching each other play MGS or FFVII for hours on end. This was going to be the best nerd day of our lives.

We arrive at the awful train station in our hometown that’s located near a fucking river. The relentless wind blasts blowing off the water may have given me ball cancer. The freezing temperature should’ve been a sign of things to come. Freezing and talking about cosplay babes and fat nerds, our train finally arrives. Train smells like ten thousand horse holes.

Fast forward to arriving at PAX East.

As soon as Alex, Paul and myself enter the halls of Kingdom FatStink, I knew exactly where this day was going. Maybe it was the alley of stinky bean bags, also known as Walrus Beach, or maybe it was the awful retro gaming room where you had to wait in line and “swap” games, but this was just uber lame. So fucking wrong. It just looked like everything was throw together half assed. Nothing sparked my interest. Just a ton of stuff and videos I could’ve seen online. Mafia II? Wow… great. Red Dead Redemption? Huh? Saw this shit all online! Nothing really punched me in the gut and said “Pay attention this is awesome!!!” That was until I saw Alex and Paul play Steel Battalion. It was totally rad.

I took pictures while Alex and Paul commanded sweet looking mobile suits. The game looks awesome and I really wish PAX was more fun because if I was jazzed up enough I would’ve jumped into the mobile suit myself. Instead I had to listen to a painfully typical anime nerd-fuck belt out orders to everyone. He was a PAX Enforcer. Also know as a PAXhole. The Gunners were divided into two teams. Team Angry Typical Nerd and Team Jolly Typical Nerd. Team Jolly seemed to be having a blast whereas Team Angry became prisoners of said PAXhole. It was hard to endure his “noob” raging and wannabe Star Wars Rogue Squadron pilot behavior. Then something caught my eye.

Next to me was a docile looking dork beeping away at his Pokéwalker! Score. I brought mine too. Before I left my house I tossed in a Pikachu. Allow me to explain how this little device works.

The Pokéwalker is a way for kids to level up their favorite Pokémon while they are at school or on the go. As you know, schools have a strict policy about bringing handhelds to class. The Pokémwalker, pictured above, is a small device that you can clip onto your pocket or belt. The more you walk the more “watts” you get. Every 20 steps gives you one watt. Watts act as money. The more watts your get the more exclusive Pokémon and routes you can unlock in your Pokéwalker. It’s actually pretty neat.

Another cool aspect is the ability to connect to other Pokéwalkers. This is what I did with that docile nerd. We connected our Pokéwalkers, our Pokémon chatted, and I received a Burn Heal from his dopey Magikarp. Ace! You can get a Pokéwalker with any purchase of Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver.

After Paul and Alex finished their battle, we met up with some friends and finally grabbed some lunch at an Irish pub across the convention center. I was so burnt out by the whole experience I considered buying a glass of scotch. Instead we ordered the WORST fried chicken sandwiches on the planet and had to listen to a table full of Red Sox Nation assholes jabber on and on. The best part was going to Best Buy across the street to look at video games instead of PAX East. It was hilarious. More selection and less smells.

Back at PAX we made our final rounds. I found a section selling used video games. I grabbed a copy of Pokémon Diamond from Japan for 20 bucks. Good deal. The manual was ruffled but the box was in good condition and the game plays on my DSlite. It’s a nice novelty item. Other than that there was nothing else worth mentioning. I was hoping for more merch and only got used bullshit. It was extremely disappointing. The fun came after we left PAX and played Just Cause 2 at Alex’s house. It’s a game I thought would be sucky but it looks really, really fun. Hopefully we’ll see a TBB Review. If any of you were expecting us to wet ourselves over PAX East, sorry. It sucked and there’s no possible way for me to defend its suckyness. We all left feeling like we had the flu. In short? Go fuck yourself.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present Kenny G! Thanks for coming to PAX East 2010, everyone!

Prof. Rowan: "Open your ears and shut your mouth for a minute!!!"

This is a fake Pokémon

The Pokémon Masters over at Serebii.net sent out an important message today and I thought I’d do the same. There are going to be a shit ton of fake Pokémon stuff being tossed at your face these coming months due to CoroCoro’s announcement of showing more Gen V stuff in its May issue. April fools day is coming up too. Expect some expertly crafted fake Pokémon and straight up lies about new game play features. Serebii.net, as well as myself, will always try to update you with the latest legitimate news. Be sharp, kids!

A continuing series about my adventures in Pokémon SoulSilver.

EPISODE 1: Fucking up Falkner

So I arrive in the Johto Region at New Bark Town ready to start my Pokémon adventure. Things have drastically changed since the last time I was here. The graphics are more detailed, there’s more use of sound and weather effects, and there’s more use for your touch screen. Thank god! The game’s aesthetics really shine. They have been drastically polished since Platinum and I was surprised at all the small details. Water looks like water and grass looks like grass. Wow! But in all seriousness it’s a very pretty game. A new feature to these games is the ability to have you mom save money for you as you win battles.

You can decline and be a wasteful greedy fuck or you can play it Wall Street and take advantage of this wise investment. Thanks, mom. Now I can buy beer.

Before I can leave, Lyra, the hot trick next door, bumps into me with her gay looking Marill. She’s pretty boner so it’s cool. She tells me that she admires my spirit and blah blahbbahlaablaabhhh all you really care about is getting your Starter Pokémon!!! I shove her aside after getting her number, yes you get a cell phone in the game, and head over to Professor Elm’s lab. Before I barge in and start demanding Pokémon, I notice some ginger looking fuck by the window. I kindly inquire what his deal is and the cocksucker tells me to fuck off. Great, I guess that shit eater is my rival.

Prof. Elm: "I'll take if from here, Professor Rowan."

Prof. Rowan: "........... Think again, asshole."

Professor Elm is a neurotic loner who looks like he could use a good fucking. Bumbling about the lab he gives me the rundown about badges and shit. You know this already! You wouldn’t be reading this article if you didn’t know what Pokémon was! I grab Elm by his lab coat and demand my fucking starter Pokémon. I don’t have time for this yippity yap bullshit. Quivering, he shows me to his Pokémon incubator… thing… machine. I start scanning through. If you read my article about Starter Pokémon, you’ll know that I already had Totodile in mind. What’s this? A female Totodile?!

Hold on…

Allow me to explain this stroke of good luck. Female Starter Pokémon are extremely rare. 87.5% Male. 12.5% Female. The creators of Pokémon want to make it as hard as possible for you to breed starters. You could say having a Ditto makes this all irrelevant but I say if you’re using a Ditto in an argument you might as well slit your throat. Anyway, I got a female Totodile. Woo! What’s cooler? Pokémon in this game can walk beside you! Awesome!

I was almost an asshole (shocking!) and named her Bitch. Thinking back I should’ve. It really would’ve made for some funny in game moments. BITCH! Use Ice Beam! I thank the professor and ready myself for my latest Pokémon adventure. Oh wait… he wants me to run an errand for him at Cherrygrove City… derp!

ROUTE 29

So I start off heading west through Route 29. I get the same welcoming committee in every Pokémon game; a slew of weak Pokémon. I’m playing SoulSilver so I miss out on shitty Caterpie, dumb Spinark and badass Growlithe. I instead get Weedles, awful Ledybas and cool Vulpix. I really wish Pokémon games would allow you to run into cooler Pokémon at the start. Ruby and Saphire did. They were mostly first form Pokémon but if you stuck with them, they’d evolve into some awesomely powerful Pokémon.

After running around the grass I bump into some Pidgey. I reluctantly catch one and I also catch a dumb Sentret. I quickly race to Cherrygrove City to put my secret plan into action.

CHERRYGROVE CITY

This really isn’t a city. It’s more like a town. Whatever. No gym so I can’t battle anyone yet. Thank god because I only have a weak Totodile, a Pidgey, and a Sentret. I bust into the Pokémon Center and start a trade upstairs. I trade my Pidgey and Sentret over to Pokémon Platinum and trade over Chikorita and Cyndaquil. Nice! So now I have all the basic starters from SoulSilver. The only downside is that they won’t obey me until later. Thank Christ I traded over an experience share.

After checking out the locals and getting my running shoes I complete my errand for Prof. Elm (Mr. Pokémon gives you a mystery egg) and head back to New Fart Town.

Nash. My rival.

MY RIVAL

Before I can make it through Route 29, my Rival bumps into me and immediately starts giving me shit. Fuck him. I challenge this prick to a Pokémon Battle and it’s on. Since I chose Totodile, he chose/stole Chikorita. Ass. Grass is very powerful against water-type Pokémon but right now our starters only have basic movies like Tackle. After our Pokémon beat the shit out of each other, I come out on top and swiftly give him the finger. We exchange some obscenities and go our separate ways. What a dick.

VIOLET CITY

At Violet City you’ll engage in your first Pokémon Gym Leader battle. Not until you scale the awful Sprout Tower. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Sprout Tower is full of monks who only have Bellsprouts as Pokémon. They’re weak and stupid but battling them will help you level up your starter. As dumb as this place looks, you must reach the top and defeat the master monk before you can set foot in Violet City’s gym.

Falkner "The Elegant Master of Flying Pokémon"

VIOLET GYM LEADER FALKNER

Here it is. My first Gym Leader battle. Are you nervous? Don’t be! He’s extremely easy! If you lose to him, you should consider drowning your Pikachu and give up on being a Pokémon Master. Falkner uses flying-type Pokémon. Rock and electric type Pokémon are the best to use here. I have neither. There are two other trainers you need to battle to reach Falkner. They’re just as easy so don’t sweat it.

Falkner dresses like some sort of gay samurai. It’s hard to take him seriously. He tosses out a Lv. 9 Pidgey. What? Is he for real? Dead. I killed his Pidgey with a one hit K.O. Shocked he spikes his final Pokémon at me. A fucking Lv. 13 Pidgeotto? I laugh in his face and basically leave it in the hands of my Totodile. Dead. I kicked its ass.

After Falkner accepts his pathetic defeat, he hands me my first badge. The Zephyr Badge is mine. Before I bail I tell him he dresses like a woman and if he ever plans on getting any pussy in the near future, he best consult a tailor. I’m out!

So that concludes my first Pokémon Gym Battle. Tune in next week when I take on my second Gym Leader. Hopefully he/she is more well equipped than this idiot was. See ya next time!

CURRENT JOHTO TEAM:

Totodile / Cyndaquil / Chikorita

Prof. Rowan: "What the fuck is this shit?!"

PIKACHUUUU!!!

Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika! Pika chuuu! Pika pika! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika! Pika pika! Pika! Pika pika! Pika! Pika pika! Pika! Pika chuuu! Pika chuuu! Pika chuu! Pika! Pika chuu! Pika! Pika chuu! Pika! Pika chuu! Pika! Pika chuu! Pika! Pika pika! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika! Pika chuuu! Pika pika! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika! Pika chuuu! Pika pika! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika! Pika chuuu! Pika pika! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika! Pika chuuu! Pika pika! Pika chu! Pika pika! Pika chuu! Pika pika!

Pika pika?

Chuuuuuuuuuu...

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---PIKACHU

PIKA CHU?!?!? PIKA!!!