Turbo Boss Battle! Daily Gaming. Daily Exploding Shotgun Shells.

10Apr/100

Armchair Athletics: Ice Hockey

crafted by: Brendan

I expect my brother to punch me when I score, even when alone

In this segment I'm going to examine how a sport translates into a video game.  The first sport I'll be looking at: hockey.  Out of all the sports that have been turned into video games over the years hockey translates into the most enjoyable experience.  First, there are very few stoppages in play in hockey and that allows for continuous gameplay.  Second, the simplicity of the sport (pass the puck, shoot the puck) makes for a frantic, arcade-like experience that's easy to pick up.  Third, hockey is easily the most violent sport outside of boxing and MMA.  Checking into the boards, knocking opponents on their backs as they come up ice add to the appeal of the game.  And, of course, fighting is a big part of hockey.  Fighting creates a mini-game within hockey where players get to take a break from trying to light the lamp and try to light up their opponents face.

My earliest experience with hockey video games was part of my first experience with video games as a whole.  I was given NES as a christmas present in when I was three and among the first few games I had was Ice Hockey.  Ice Hockey is based on international play, so you get to choose your favorite country provided its the USA, USSR, Canada, Poland, Sweden or Czechoslovakia.  Though it lacks a fighting mini-game, a player can engage other players with his stick to either wrestle the puck away or instigate a fight by rapidly pressing the B button (you don't get to decide which).  Should a fight break out, all the players on the ice lunge into the fray until the ref takes one away and puts them into the penalty box (randomly). My favorite aspect of Ice Hockey is that you have to control your own goalie by using Up and Down while he's on screen.  Being forced to constantly multitask getting the puck back and at the same keeping the puck out of the net creates a sense of chaos that still makes me scream and tilt my NES controller side to side as if it will help.

Fast forward to present day.  As systems have become more advanced, so has hockey gameplay.  From everything to adjusting the lineups to deke-ing out defenders on your way to the net, hockey has evolved from basic its basic NES roots to Next-Gen caliber level of depth.  However, the fast-paced, back-and-forth onslaught of passes and slapshots still holds true.  Nowhere is this more exemplified than in NHL 10.  NHL 10 has different modes of play (career, season, online), updatable rosters, great graphics on and off the ice (best crowd animation in any sports game) and an easy to learn but hard to master control setup.

When it comes to consistently producing a solid video game that can attract players outside and inside a sports fandom,hockey simply outplays the rest.

18Mar/100

Game-A-Day: Battle of Olympus (NES)

crafted by: Brendan

Time Played: 15 minutes

Gods Angered: 1(Hera, that slut)

I've been having computer issues which are now resolved, so I can resume torturing myself by playing worthless NES games and telling you all about it.  This time I went with The Battle of Olympus.  The game begins by asking you to name your hero and heroine and I went with Dick and Labia(I think it's a pretty name for a girl, get off my back).  You're then thrown into the game as the hero, though I wasn't sure at first because the character is wearing a skirt, in the town of Arcadia where you can enter houses and receive hints about different things that are going to happen down the road without any semblance of a story.  I eventually walked to the next town where I was told to go save someone's daughter from a vampire.  "Fuck that" I thought.

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7Mar/100

Game-A-Day Doubleheader: The Adventures of Dino Riki AND Rad Gravity

crafted by: Brendan

Unable to post on Thursday, I've doubled my effort(tolerance) and brought you two NES games you should be thankful for not owning.

The Adventures of Dino Riki

Time Played: 15 Minutes

Cave Babes Nailed: 0

Sabertooth Hornets? Jungle's lousy wit 'em.

Dino Riki is of my favorite lost genre: the top-down shooter. You play as Dino, a caveman, who is making is way somewhere to do something.  I assume the instruction manual has the back story because the game just throws you into the action.  I like to think Dino is on his way to catch somebody on their way to work to serve them a dino-subpoena.  The game is pretty hard because there isn't a lot of room to move laterally and the screen is consistently taken up by groups of attacking enemies.

The Adventures of Rad Gravity

Time Played: <2 minutes

Love of Space: diminished

New favorite pickup line

This game makes you hate it from the get-go.  It comes at you with this ear-raping title screen then goes on to introduce you to the douchey looking Rad Gravity who needs to search out computers on the planet Cyberia because something about a teleporter. The gameplay is one of those platformers where you go in and out of doors by pressing up on the d-pad until you've completely lost your way.  The video might make it look easy...but it's so crappy it isn't worth trying to beat.

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1Mar/100

GAME-A-DAY: HEAVY SHREDDIN’ (NES)

crafted by: Brendan

"HEY!HEY!HEY!HEY! OOO EEE OOO WOAH!"

Time Played: 15 Minutes

Winter Hats Worn in Summertime: 0

Congratulations, Heavy Shreddin', you're 21 years old and still fucking impossible.  In Heavy Shreddin' you play as rad 80's snowboarder attempting to complete different events.  There's a downhill(time limit), slalom(gates) and something called backwood(spooning with an erection).  I've never made it past the slalom and I've had this game as long as I've had NES because there's no sense of depth on the screen and I can't judge when the snowboarder will be totally extreme and avoid an obstacle or be less than gnar-gnar and wipe out.  I Heavy Shreddin' for how hard it is because games just aren't hard enough anymore.  Gameplay hours used to be determined by the game's difficulty alone and not by how much content the developers put into a storyline. I miss that.

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26Feb/101

Drunk Gaming Takes You Into the Weekend

crafted by: Brendan

"Yeah, I know some people are against drunk driving, and I call them the cops." -Dave Attell

TBB doesn't advocate drunk driving (unless the parking meter's running out, because c'mon officer I don't want  a TICKET) but we do advocate drunk gaming so to make sure everyone gets what they want I'm recommending Mario Kart 64 this weekend.  It's just about the perfect game to play drunk because it's simple, competitive, and everybody has at least one friend who owns it.  Needing only the gas, the item button and the joystick to play anyone can join in even if they don't regularly play video games.  Despite it's simple design, the strategy of the game runs deep.  Using a lightning bolt at the right time or placing bananas in the right spot to send an a driver in the drink to break your opponents heart (especially if they're playing as Toad) is as satisfying as it gets.  Mario Kart makes a great party game as a number of drinking game rules can be applied; finish a beer before you finish the race being my favorite.  So if you're planning on getting tipsy this weekend pop Mario Kart into the 64 and let the good times (red shells) roll.

PS - I'll destroy anyone with Bowser.  It'll happen, whether you fight it or not, so I kind of want you to fight it.

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25Feb/100

This Shit is On Like Donkey Kong

crafted by: Brendan

"You guys got Donkey Kong?!"

Frustrated by the Turbo Boss Battle, Alex and Paul used cheat codes and unlocked God Mode.  So I'll be blogging on here from now on.  Maybe I should be Infinite Ammo? No? Fine Disco Mode then.

Video games are played for a wide array of overlapping reasons.  Some play to see boobs and shoot guns(Paul), some play because they're social skills are limited to NPCs (Alex), some to enslave animals and force them to fight each other(Kev) and some to fondle corpses for loot (Ted).  I play video games to defeat others.  More rewarding than any Xbox Achievement is an opposing player sighing noisily, accusing me of cheating or whining between gulps of Mountain Dew (obese pre-teen MW2 players), hell even beating the computer is euphoric.  That said, I like games that anyone can pick up and play and don't take long to finish.  I have trouble committing to anything that takes longer than 20 hours, just ask my wife.  I'd mail her back but I'm not familiar with the language of her particular eastern European village.

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